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رواندرمانی Psychotherapy - با بچه «پررو»ها چه كنیم؟
 
رواندرمانی Psychotherapy
آنهایی که چرایی زندگی را بیابند، با هرگونه چگونگی خواهند ساخت

با بچه «پررو»ها چه كنیم؟

دانستنیهای مادرانه

روشهای بی شماری برای مقابله با بی ادبی بچه ها و تصحیح صحبت آنها وجود دارد. معمولاً پدران و مادران رفتار گستاخانه و بی ادبی كودكان را تحمل نمی كنند و به هر طریقی سعی در اصلاح و تغییر آن دارند. در این جا روشهای پیشنهادی چند مادر را آورده ایم:

1- زمانی كه دخترم با پررویی صحبت می كند، من فقط جملاتش را مؤدبانه تغییر می دهم و مثلاً اگر او بگوید: «صد بار باید بهت بگم كه آب می خوام.» من تصحیح می كنم: «مامان ممكنه لطفاً به من یك لیوان آب بدهی؟»

2- ما همیشه به پسرمان گفته ایم كه اگر با لحن بی ادبانه صحبت كند، جوابش را نمی دهیم و باید لحن صحبتش را عوض كند. حتی ابتدا ما جملات صحیح را برایش می گفتیم و او تكرار می كرد، ولی حالا كه چهار ساله شده كاملاً یاد گرفته كه چه طور مؤدبانه تقاضای خود را بیان كند.

3- زمانی كه دخترم با گستاخی صحبت می كند، ما می گوییم: «ببخشید؟» و او معمولاً می فهمد كه باید چه طور صحبتش را عوض كند.

4- من معمولاً در برابر دخترم زانو می زنم. طوری كه بتوانم در چشمهایش نگاه كنم. آرام اما محكم به وی یادآوری می كنم كه این لحن گستاخانه است. فریاد زدن بر سر دیگران اصلاً قشنگ نیست و كسی دوست ندارد كه با بی ادبی با او صحبت شود.

5- زمانی كه بچه ها با پررویی صحبت می كنند، من معمولاً در پی كشف علت آن برمی آیم. گاهی اوقات بچه ها درك درستی از مسؤول بودن پدر و مادر ندارند و گاهی هم همه چیز به ارتباط كلی میان كودك و والدین برمی گردد. در هر حال اگر ریشه این كار را درمان كنیم، رفتار خود به خود از منفی به مثبت تغییر خواهد كرد كه البته كشف این مسأله مدتی زمان می برد و نیاز به صبر و تحمل دارد.

6- قبلاً زمانی كه بچه ها با پررویی جوابم را می دادند تا مرز جنون عصبانی شده و بر سرشان داد می زدم، اما حالا كه سعی در كنترل رفتارم دارم و با آنان با آرامش صحبت می كنم، آنها هم روش خود را تغییر داده و آنچه را كه صحیح است، انتخاب می كنند.

7- من و بچه ها در یك جلسه خانوادگی در مورد روشهای مختلفی كه می شود تقاضاهای خود را بیان كنند و انتظار دیگران در مورد مؤدبانه صحبت كردن، گفتگو كردیم و چند روش را انتخاب كردیم و حالا با هم اجرایش می كنیم.

8- از زمانی كه بچه ها خیلی كوچك بودند، من و شوهرم یك سری آداب اجتماعی و رفتار پسندیده را به آنان یاد دادیم، مثل: «لطفاً و متشكرم، آداب درست غذا خوردن سر سفره، بدون داد زدن صحبت كردن و غیره» و بچه ها هم اغلب برای رفتار خوبشان تشویق می شوند.

9- در جایی از كتاب داستان مورد علاقه دخترم، مادری می گوید: «چه جمله غیردوستانه ای!» از آن به بعد هر وقت دخترم با پررویی صحبت می كرد، من همین جمله را تكرار می كردم و حالا او از بازی دوستانه/ غیردوستانه خوشش می آید و اغلب از من می پرسد كه كدام جمله دوستانه و كدام جمله غیردوستانه است.

10- من برای مقابله با بی ادبی پسرم یك لیست از انواع تنبیه ها را تهیه كردم و سپس نشانش دادم و یادآوری كردم كه هر وقت با پررویی صحبت كند، چه عاقبتی انتظارش را می كشد (تنبیه هایی شامل محرومیت از استفاده از تلفن یا تلویزیون، بازی كردن خارج از منزل، كسر شدن پول جیبی اش و ...). سعی می كنم كمتر حرف بزنم و بیشتر عمل كنم. پسرم هم كم كم یاد گرفت كه باید مواظف صحبت كردنش باشد، چون می داند كه مامانش در این موارد اصلاً اهل شوخی نیست.

11- یك روز مامانی را در فروشگاه دیدم كه در جواب بی ادبی پسرش فریاد زد: «چرا مثل یك حیوان وحشی رفتار می كنی. تو آدم بشو نیستی. از دستت خسته شدم!» از آن لحظه به بعد تصمیم گرفتم كه با پسرم با احترام برخورد كنم. در این موارد خاص او را به كناری كشیده و فقط با این جمله كوتاه: «داری بی ادب می شی. هر وقت با احترام صحبت كردی خوشحال می شوم كه صحبتهایت را بشنوم.» با او برخورد می كنم بعد هم او را ترك كرده از اتاق خارج می شوم.

12- من به این نكته رسیده ام كه بسیاری از رفتارهای دختر 4 ساله ام از سر ناآگاهی است، مثلاً روزی در خیابان فریاد زد كه مامان موهای این آقاهه عین دخترهاست! یا یك بار در پارك خیره به مردی فلج كه خود را روی زمین می كشید، نگاه می كرد. در برخورد با این مشكلات من به طور خصوصی به او می گویم: «بهتر است این حرفها را برای خودت نگه داری. دیگران دوست ندارند كسی ادایشان را دربیاورد. بعضی از جملات یا خیره نگاه كردن به كسی احساسات او را جریحه دار می كند.»

 

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